My King Kong Review / Synopsis

Okay, so I've seen the new King Kong twice now, and I have to say, it's pretty good. In this review I won't really try hard not to divulge secrets of the movie, being that most of the free world knows the ending (Kong dies!!! Sue me. On second thought, don't).

First of all, you need to realize, before you see King Kong, it's three hours seven minutes long, which is (insert speed [the refrence to time, not the drug] based joke here), or in other words, REALLY FREAKIN LONG!!! So, to make this review / synopsis not so extremely long, I've divided it into three parts

1: Great Depression New York / The Venture
This is the real exposition of the movie, and explores many of the main characters. The movie starts in the perspective of a vaudeville performer named Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) . Her theater just closed down, and it is revealed at her last show that she is a fan of the playwright Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody). She is asking the director of Driscoll's latest play, but it is already cast, the director gives her a referral to a jop of a Burlesque club. Then, Carl Denham (Jack Black) is introduced, a movie producer who is obsessed with making a movie, and is presented with many challenges, including his leading lady leaving because his assistant Preston (Colin Hanks) revealed that they were going to a mysterious island. Carl hgires Ann for the role, and they ship off, hurried, because Carl was warranted for arrest for stealing the money to hire the ship. Over the journey, everyone finds out what is happening, and where they are going. The ship soon runs aground on Skull Island. When they get on the island, they are attacked by natives, to be saved by Captain Englehorn (Thomas Kretschmann). When they get back to the boat, Ann is kidnapped, and everyone goes back to the island to save Ann. End of hour one. Whoa.

2: The Island
At this point, Ann is being sacrificed to Kong. He takes her, and then the cavalry comes in, killing all the natives. Everyone then goes to search for Ann. They go through a lot, stop for a break, Carl instigates a dinosaur rampage, killing four people. Around this point, Carl is really acting like a scumbag. When Kong takes Ann back to his abode for dinner, Ann partly escapes to one of Kong's other homes. There, Kong falls in love with Ann when Ann starts doing performances, but throws a tantrum when Ann stops, and runs away. Ann then leaves. Then everyone is on a log, when Kong comes, the first mate, Mr. Hayes (Evan Parke) sacrafices himself to let everyone through, making Jimmy (Jamie Bell, who I think, in this movie, looks like the guy from Fall Out Boy) distraught, Hayes was his mentor. Kong pushes the log that everyone is on into a chasm, almost killing everyone who isn't dead already. Ann gets attacked by dinosaurs, when Kong takes on three of them at once. Trapeeze of Death! You have to see the movie to understand that. Once they die, Kong takes Ann to a secret meditation place where they fall asleep, after Ann teaches Kong about beauty, referring to the sunset. In the chasm, eveyone is attacked by giant bugs, and the only survivors are Carl, Jack, and Jimmy. Suddenly, the Captain and the star of the movie, Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler) and let them escape. Jack does not go back to the ship, and goes to find Ann. Carl secretly convinces the Captain to capure Kong. Jack makes it to Kong and Ann, and they almost escape when Kong wakes up and totally freaks out, waking up bats that were lying in wait. Kong fights the bats, and Jack and Ann escape an a bat wing, Kong pursues. When they get to the isle shore, the crew tries to stun Kong with chloroform, while Ann struggles, making Kong madder. They do capture Kong though, and bring him to New York

3: New York
When this opens, Kong is the hottest show in town. Everyone's there. Kong eventually freaks out (again) by giving them a fake Ann instead of the real one. He destroys the theater, when Jack draws him off. A chase ensues. When Kong knocks Jack unconscious, Ann comes, and they run away into Central Park, and are then attacked by the army. Kong, with Ann in tow, climbs up the Empire State Building and stays there with Ann until morning. Kong is then attacked by six planes. He loses, died, and Carl says, that it wasn't the airplanes, that "It was the beauty that killed the beast." The end.

Final:
Okay. If you like Peter Jackson/Action/Adrien Brody/Naomi Watts/Monkeys (id est everyone, except Jack Thomson, don't get me started), then watch this movie. Or in other words, every human being should see this.

Whelmed, Part II

Well, I'm watching Dick Clark's "Rockin' New Year's Eve '06" on ABC right now, and I have some more underwhelment. Green Day was just on. Now you might say, "So? You like Green Day. What's the problem?" You might also say, "okay" and stop. But what you might not realize is that is pre-recorded footage from their European Bullet in a Bible tour. Yes, the band wasn't even in America, and it came out a while ago. But still, its Green Day, and they're cool. Again, though, Ryan Seacrest is there and I'm not. Seriously, who likes him? But if you like the Green Day footage, you can get it off iTunes here.

Underwhelming

I'm so whelmed. Actually, underwhelmed. If you watch the Disney Christmas Parade here on the east coast, there is a Lion King-like performance going on. Its crummy. Regis sounds like he has a horrible cold (he always does) and Kelly looks like a zombie on drugs, with only half the emotion. Plus, in Orlando, the parade isn't even televised, because there was a riot at town hall after it was canceled. But magically, 30 seconds later, it cleared up and the parade went on, with none of the people that were there! How wonderful! But it was pouring out there, and we were really cold. But still. To add insult to injury, Ryan Seacrest was at the parade. He is a reincarnation of evil itself! Sorry, Satan, that was an insult, he IS evil. Oh, by the way, I got Mario Kart DS and an iHome. I also got an easy button. You know, from Staples. You press it, and it says "That was easy." I've been pressing it all day. Its fun.

Deranged: The Collection

75% of the Deranged movies are up! Deranged 3, 4, and 6 are able for viewing for your leisure. Why did it take so long? Blame Google. Either way, Happy Saturnsolfestiramachristmahamukwanzudadanusicealia and any other winter, religious holidays I might have missed (I wonder if the Fonz religion has one...) Either way, see ya!
Deranged 3
Deranged 4
Deranged 6

Unwanted

Now, if you have looked at my three previous posts, they were all audio. You might say I've been neglecting the keyboard. Why? It's easy. It's easy. I'm lazy, and instead of having to go find a computer to post, to login and to type, I can just say in my phone "Audioblogger", put in some numbers, and talk to death. Well, to asphyxiation. Pretty much. Also, this week or two, I'll have some of my vids on Google Video. When they get up, I'll post a link here. Now you might wonder, when you watch the movies, where are D1, D2, and D5? Well, I started with D3 as a joke, and I never really made 1 or 2. 5, though, I did make, but half of the actors (read: two) do not want anyone else to see it. Though I talked to them, and we might redo them, but better, and with a new guy, Ethan. He's really cool, and he should be in D7, D1, D2, or D5: Director's cut.